I came back here afterwards, and prepared to go to Zürich, made my hair, changed my clothes, dressed in a Ralph Lauren white outfit and nice jeans that makes me look fit, and took the train. I went to eat at a good friend that is staying in Zürich for one year. I really like him, he's well nice, funny, like aircraft, and is just cool. I brought him a bottle of wine, some special biscuits from Basel (Läckerli for those who knows it, Xico maybe? :) and we had a nice meal that he prepared. It was really cool, we laughed a lot, had a nice time and meal, and then we went to town to have a beer in an irish pub.
In between I called Erik, and told him where we were going, and he joined us around 11pm. This bar was really loud, and I hate that, because you can't speak to each other, you're just basically making signs, laugh even if you don't understand anything, and well, you know how it is. Erik arrived, he joined us, and it was a bit awkward, because he was speaking with me in english, and I was speaking to my friend in french, and we couldn't understand each other. I was hoping my friend would leave us after a while, so we could be alone with Erik, but he was a bit drunk (as I still am...) and he just stayed. After a while, I said I had to take a train back to Basel, and hoped Erik would come with me while the friend would leave, but both came with me untill the station. The friend took another tram at the station, and Erik came with me to the train. I asked how he was, and he said "well, what do you mean, personnaly, or workwise?" I said "you fool, you know, I'm not really interested about your work, but about how YOU are doing" and he said "well, you know, it's basically just going, life is not that easy" and well, we arrived to the train, and we had basically not spoken to each other, and I said "so, I'm taking the train. You're going home I guess?" and even if I said we would meet without expectations, I was so much hoping he would say "come and have a drink" or "stay with me" or whatever, I so much wanted to stay with him, because I can't help, I really like him a lot, but nothing of that, he took me in his arms, huged my firmly for a moment, and said "yes, it's better I think" and just left without looking back.
I went into the train, took a seat alone in the wagon, and started to feel some tears coming out. I never cry, almost never, but here, on the train, looking at him going home without even looking back for a single time, couldn't help crying. Shit, I meet a guy that is exactly what I waited for, and he goes away...
I wrote a text and said that I was sorry we had no time to speak to each other, alone, and that we could meet another weekend just both of us, alone, but he didn't answer. So... I think I have to take that punch in my face and just understand that it's really over, but I don't want to... Of course they are other guys, but all the other I know are flamming gays that live to go to clubs and have sex in the bathrooms, and they all know each other and fucked each other and I don't want to be part of that. I just want somebody nice and interesting with whom I can have a real relationship, and share some things together.
Stan also called when I was in the bar, and told me he wouldn't come tomorrow (well, today in fact) and I was well disapointed, I would really need him to be around. But he has a lot of very important exams to do, and he said we would meet next week when it will be over. Maybe it's better after all, so we can have a talk together, just both of us.
Well, it's winter, I feel bad, it's normal... let's have a good night of sleep and tomorrow is another day! I will have this party at home, it will be fun, and I will get drunk, good program! And above everything, I leave Basel, the city of big troubles! Haha, I'm so happy :)
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