New job

Yeah! I got a new job! I'll work two days a week at a doctor's office, and will we paid quite reasonably. I'll start on April 20th. It will save me from the permanent run after little jobs. I only hope it won't be too much with the studies. I already know what I will do with the extra money :) I'm going to do some aerobatics again! I had to stop a few month after I began my studies because the plane was too expensive, and it was a terrible thing for me, I love aerobatics so much! You know, when you can loop around the clouds on a sunny day, make some barrel rolls, simulate ground attacks on cows at high speed and low height, I miss that so much!

It gets interessting around 1:20, don't watch if you're ill in a plane :)

Stan called and he's going to Wales next year, wich is awesome because there is an easyjet line with cheap tickets from here.

Akward

Hum... I just had a phone call with my father. He's inviting me for my birthday in one week for my birthday. We were chatting a bit about that, and then about my sister's new boyfriend, and one thing leading to another, he asked "so, and you, what about sex? you know, fucking is great and very important in one's life. Are you working on that? we never hear anything from you!" I was well uncomfortable, thinking that it was great to be on the phone and actually not in front of him, and said that I was going ok in this area and he said "yeah, I hope so! you know, if you want, Anna [my stepmother] can give you advice, if you want to keep a girl you have to satisfy her!" oh god... it was one of these moments in life when you wish you were deaf! I tried to change the subject, but he noticed and said "yeah well, in any case I hope you're not turning gay, it seems to be quite fashionable these times" and started to joke about that, great...

The thing is he's going to retire next year, and he wants me to marry and have children so it can keep him busy. He loves to take care of children, and he's really cool with them, like making toys for them, etc. But I'll turn 23 in a week, and even if I was straight I wouldn't like to have children in the middle of my studies and get married! I said that once, and he said he would pay for anything if I marry and have children, at any time, and that it's better to have them young. I do not doubt about that, but that's not really the problem. The more time passes and the more he's putting pressure on me about that, and I know I won't be able to maintain the suspense forever... I just hope that I can finish my studies before telling him, because, considering the way both him and my stepmother acted with Frank (the son of my stepmother's sister, who is gay), I'm not really sure how they will take the piece of news :/

I'm sure it's going to be a family drama, on both my father and mother side. For the moment I'm the best son/grand-son/brother/nephew ever, who has good grades, is handsome, is well tidy, and is going out with a very attractive girl (they all think I'm going out with Maria, my best friend, because I talk about her a lot, even though I already told them we were not dating) and I'm affraid they would be ashamed to have a gay boy in the family. Maybe I'm totally wrong, but maybe I'm not and it scares me. On the other side, the more I wait, the more they are planning my wedding with Maria, the christening of my children, and a standard beautiful life like in the photo-albums.

When I hear them speaking of me, or talk with them about my life, it is as if they were telling the story of another guy. It's funny in a way to hear them telling me how I'm supposedly living, and planning my life, and on the other side to live my real life, and imagine how I want it to be in the future. It's like reading two completely different books. It's a bit schizophrenic... It's also surprising how they can imagine that everything is and will be perfect considering how messed up their respective lives were. Every family is messed up, for it is the destiny of human life no to be as one think it should be, and every family has his own issues. In my family the main issue is the weight of the secrets. Nobody talks, and as my grand-mother say in swedish everytime something appears to be going wrong "everything is fine". But it's not, and everyone is hiding behind secrets, and you can feel it, although you don't know about them.

Maybe I'm bringing some wood in the fire by keeping my secrets, and keeping this virtual perfect life going, and this weight will crush us all one day as in the end of a Strindberg play, but I'm not sure either that braking the rule of the secret would liberate all of us from this burden. Sometimes, I just wish that I could fly away, settle in a new place, and make tabula rasa. But you've got to live with what you have. As long as the situtation stays the same, it's ok. I'm just affraid because I know it won't last forever. But who knows, maybe it will be a relief. Let's prepare for the worse, and hope for the best!

How to get rid of a beached whale?

Not that I am really confronted to the question, but I randomly found the answer on youtube:

I like the kind of guys that have very simple answers to complex questions. Some of them are simply geniuses, others are only simple... I like the guy saying "the only thing is we're not sure just exactly how much explosive it'll take to desintegrate this thing so the scavengers, seagulls, crabs and whatnot can clean it up" :D

God bless the blown-up whale!

Haircut

I have a new haircut, and it's a disaster...

I usually go to the same hairdresser, in an old fashion italian barbershop. It's either a guy or a girl that does the haircut and both know perfectly how it has to be. The barbershop is an old one and it's very italian, with a little santa Maria in a corner, an espresso machine, old pictures of the cousins in Sicily. When they are finished with the scissors, they do the last touches with a one blade razor, put some talcum powder, spray you with perfume and put some hair-gel, you go out polished as a Maserati car :)

Unfortunately, they closed the shop to go to Sicily for a month, and I was left with my growing hair that were going out of control... I went to another shop down the street, where a gay guy and his staff just settled in. I was hoping that I would have my hair cut by the guy, because every gay guy knows how important a haircut is, but he was doing the manucure of an old lady.

One of the girls took me, washed my hair (it's my favourite part, I love when people touch my hair, I must have been a cat in another life) and started to cut... cut... cut... so short at some places, and then took the scissors and started to cut in all the directions, doing some trails on my head... I closed my eyes hoping that something nice would come out of this, but unfortunately it didn't. She seemed quite happy with her work. I look like a rooster in terminal phase of a grave disease... :/ I can already hear my father joking and saying that it looks like a wheatfield devastated by the storm. O well, it will grow again, sniff.

Flying licence OK!

I finally made it! I got my licence renewed! I was really stressed out about that, because the forecast was worse and worse for the days to come, but yesterday the weather was perfect: no wind, no clouds. I jumped to the airport in the morning with a friend and we did a two hours flight, it was pure heaven! I am so relieved that it finally worked, it's a big stress I can put aside.

We overflew a very interesting building, the new learning center of the federal technical high school in Lausanne, wich has the shape of a cheese slice. How swiss is this? :D it's really impressive and fun to see from above:

It's not finished yet, but I'm looking forward to see the final result!

I went off the plane and my friend immediatly brought me to the hospital, where I got a little job. I had to control some people at the entrance and to ask some questions, it was not interesting at all, but I was in front of the library, and I talked with a lot of students, so it was cool. And I definitely want a doctor ;) I met a friend of a friend, a medicine student that is a couple years younger than me. He's gay, single, and really good looking. I have to find a way to have a drink with him.

Windy

I am really disapointed... I tried to fly today, and waited the whole day at the aiport, but there was too much wind. I'm really stressed, because I didn't fly a lot this year, and to renew my flying licence I must have a total amount of 12 hours of flight within the last 12 month. I have 10h17 in my logbook... I asked Yasmin if she wanted to come with me this morning, and we went to the airport, but only to see that there was a lot of wind, with powerful gusts, and I didn't feel confident enough to take the risk of riding the plane in such conditions. The forecast was better for the afternoon, and I waited there to see if the wind was calming down. In fact, if went worse. Yasmin had to leave, and I asked Stan if he wanted to try a bit later, he join me at the airport restaurant around 2pm.

We were looking at some pilots that were doing circuits for training, and as we saw them going around and working hard, we decided not to push our luck and to stay on the ground. We were both so tempted, I think that to abandon the idea of taking off is the harder in aviation. But very often it is the smartest thing to do. A few weeks ago a guy told me not to go and I didn't listen to him. I went and nothing happened, but I noticed in the newpaper that the day after the same plane I used had an accident on landing exactly as the guy told me, I took that as a warning to be more careful, and listen more experienced people. I have some experience, but I'm still a young pilot, and it's a question of training. I didn't fly that much lately, and I would need a more regular practice.

However, I have untill March 30th to fly these last hours I need, or I'll loose my licence :-S I really hope that I will have the possibility to do that next week.

The good thing is that I met Stan, it was cool to sit in front of the tarmac and chat for a moment, commenting the bad landings :) He's coming over tomorrow for dinner, and I'm preparing something great. We couldn't meet in January for his birthday, so it'll be his birthday meal in a way. I was just a bit pissed to see that his girlfriend had just the same idea than me, and offered him a pair of... RayBans :/ At least I have a second one in case I loose mine... he was so happy to wear them and said "oh man, I was so happy when she offered me that!" and I was "yeah yeah... mmmm..." I was really pissed off!

Each time I see him I feel strange, happy and a bit sad on the same time, happy because I love to see him, and sad because he's not gay... We get along so well, and are so connected, it's a gift to have him as friend, but I so much want us to be more than that... *sigh

I'm going to work, I have an appointement with an assistant to chat about my work, and I have to present a preliminary discussion. I didn't write anything untill here, I should hurry up a bit! Have a nice week!

Cold

I can't get over this cold I have since last weekend. It seemed to get better and now I'm back in bed :/ maybe it's something like hay fever, as springs starts to show out. I have enough of the snow and the winter, it's cool to see longer and sunny days arriving! You can already see it's coming, the girl's coat are lighter, the guys are heading towards the fitness room...

I'm looking forward to be on thursday, Stan is coming at my place, finally. I'm a bit sad because he gave his application for an exchange in Canada or Scotland. He wants to study abroad for a year. It's really great for him, and I'm sure he will have a great time, because he is the kind of guy that is easy going and get on with everyone, but I won't be able to see him for all this time. He is also a bit anxious about his girlfriend, they have been together for a bit more than a year, and they don't know how it will be to be separated for such a long time... Long distance relationship is a big challenge.

The crazy girl is coming over tonight. We'll be only us two, this will maybe let me the opportunity to have a talk and explain some things to her. I'm not quite sure what to tell her for the moment, but I hope that I will find what suits the best. At least there are no beers around, so no way for her to get me drunk this time! I called her to ask if she wanted to eat here, and I woke her up... it's 5.30 pm! I wonder in what state she will be.

Swapping seats

I'm back in my bed. I still had some fever this morning, but I decided to try to attend a lesson. I stayed during the four hours of it, but I fell asleep two times... it was about income taxes regulations, not really my cup of tea. I also went to pick up some books at the library to work at home tommorow. I have to write an essay on a decision of a tribunal, in german. I will have the occasion to use what I learnt in Basel. A good lawyer in Switzerland should be able to read in the three main national languages, it's good to practise a bit, but not easy though.

Usually, I'm seated next to the same friend. The first who arrives takes a seat for the other one. But today it was a lot of people, and I was a bit late. I seated next to another guy and said hi. I had spoken only once to him last year, and never since. I just started to talk a bit with him and he said "so, where were you last semester?" and I explained I was in Basel, and was a bit astonished that he had noticed. Usually, I only notice the absence of friends or people that I like... We talked after the lesson for a moment, he's a really nice guy. I should change seats more often :)

The morning-after fever

I woke up this morning shaking because of a high fever... I think that it is the result of the weekend. My sister had her birthday on saturday, and we started the celebration with the family around 4 pm, I left her home the day after around 2 am to sleep a bit, and dinner again at noon at my father with the other part of the family. I fooled around with some friends of her, and it was fun, until a stupid guy decided to play trumpet with broken beer bottles... he started to broke some in the kitchen, and it was glass everywhere. I made him stop, and cleaned in order that nobody would walk on the glass pieces, and of course, I was the one that hurt myself. I cut my finger, not seriously, but it was a lot of blood, it was like a crime scene... At least nobody else was wounded.

Two friends of my sister (girls) were flirting with me, one said that alcool gives me a "damn sexy savage look". Hum... I would prefer to have it without being drunk... and too bad it was girls...

I came back home to welcome Yasmin's future husband that had just arrived from Turkey. They are not allowed to sleep in the same house untill they are married, and Yasmin asked if he could sleep at my place. I prepared the bed for him, but I didn't notice that my finger was still bleeding a lot, and I put some all over the couch, wich is now devastated... I brought the sofa cover to the dry cleaner, but the lady said she couldn't do that much. I'm really pissed about that.

Finally, they both crashed out in the sofa, and Yasmin's sister was pissed of because I let them sleep both at my place, and apparently it's a big drama. I tried to arrange the truth a little bit to dedramatise the situation, but not sure it calmed her down. Anyways, Yasmin and her fiancé were both really thankful to me, and I'm going to be their witness at the wedding :) I've never been at a wedding (not even my father's, he kept it secret from us untill it was done) so it's a big honor for me, and I'm looking forward. We had a drink to celebrate that yesterday evening, and Yasmin's friend that loves me was there too. I still had my black suit and tie from the dinner at my father's, and she said that I was hotter than ever, and started to be really "tactile". After a few drinks (I only had coke, but the other ones where drinking mojitos) she tried to kiss me twice... I guess that if I simply told her that I'm gay it would put an end to this endless game, but I'm not sure of her reaction. I'm affraid that she would go crazy and use that against me.

Erik texted on friday to know if he could come here and sleep at my place for the weekend. I told him I had no time with all I had to do. I don't know what he wants, he let me wait on him last week, and now he comes back. I don't know what game he's playing, but I'm not really sure that I want to see him again.

Sister is turning 20

Nothing really interesting happened these last days... My cousin paid me a visit from Zürich, and it was nice, but we don't know each other very well, and don't have much to talk about. In a way he annoys me a bit, he has ideas on everything, he has an answer to all the problems of the world, and is far to much enthusiastic for me. His project for the future is to radically change the urbanism in L.A. to make it a model for the world. I guess it is a lot to do there to make it like Utopia. I brought him with me for a flight around the region, the weather was awesome and he enjoyed it a lot I think, and so did I of course. Although it has begun to be warmer, there is still a lot of snow, and it makes the landscape look quite peaceful. The plane I fly crashed on landing without anyone injured the day after, and my phone kept ringing while I was at the lesson, because my father and some friends thought it was me. Fortunately not, but I have to find another plane to fly... :/

We also went to see a photographic exhibition named "Paradise, or almost" with pictures about Los Angeles. He lived quite a long time in California, and I thought it could be interesting for him, as well as for me. Some photos where really great, I liked this one very much, amongst others:

My sister is turning 20 this weekend. My father called, and he makes a drama about this because my sister didn't want to go to the restaurant with all the family, so we are going to hers on saturday (with the family of my mother) and eat at my fathers on sunday at noon (considering that my sister is going out with her friends, and her alcoolic boyfriend, I very much doubt about this schedule to be followed...). He says that no one of the family of my mother side invited her, and that it's not fair, because I was invited when I turned 20 and not her and bla bla bla... I explained him that SHE didn't want to be invited, but he doesn't understand, and convinced my sister that she is the victim of a careless mother and family... he always tries to make my sister think like that so that she gets mad about my mother, just to annoy my mother. He does it on purpose, and it really makes me angry, because my sister just take everything he says as the truth even if it's not, and it fucks all the good moments because it turns into drama. He has this pathologic need to take his revenge on my mother, and he uses us as weapons, and I really hate that. I understood it a few years ago, when I moved, and realized all the things he put in our heads to make us be against our mother. I hope that everything will be fine, I already put some grease in the wheels, tried to defuse the upcoming crisis with my best diplomatic skills...

I'm going to offer my sister a travel. I'm bringing her for a few days on the Azur coast. It's a total surprise, and she won't know it untill we get there. I'm looking forward, I think she will really like it. I love the mediterranean coast so much! She loves Hotel California from the Eagles, and in this village there is a hotel called like that, and we will live there for a few days. It's a bit stupid, but it's just for fun, and in order to have a few nice day of vacation by the sea :)

Sarah told me about a friend of her who is really nice, and gay, and work in a bookshop. She told me to go and look if he is ok. I went several times last week, but he's never there... I'm becoming the best customer of the month, but that's not my aim! :)