The letter

It's been weeks now that I'm thinking of telling my friends that I'm gay. But I always find an excuse not to, because I'm affraid of this step, because it's a step you can't take backward afterwards. It will change my life. I try to plan everything, to think about all the consequences, but it would be better to dive in the water and see what happens, you can't plan everything in life.

I know that during all the time I'm still in the closet I can't do anything because there will always be someone in my way. I want to tell my best friend Maria first, because she's always the first to know everything about me, she's one of the most precious person I have. I think that she knows something as she tries to make me speak, but I can't. It's never the right moment, the right place, or anything else, and I always retract at the last moment. So this night I was dreaming about it, and I decided this morning to write her a letter. It's much easier for me, and I can organize my thoughts much better. When I have to tell something important, or very personnal, I can't tell it correctly, my thoughts are mixed up and it seems to me that my head is suddenly completely empty. So I put everything on a sheet and now it's ready to be sent. I'm going to the post office in one hour. She will normally receive it tommorow, let's see how the things will turn out...