Smoke on the water

This was a horrible day. It's one of these days when I'm horribly angry and just want to scream and destroy something. This all started yesterday I guess. I had planed to go have a walk with Lucas. I wanted to a place called Caux, over Montreux, and wher there is an astonishing view on the lake and the Alps. I thought that it would be a nice wather, and that we could have a walk, lie down somewhere in the grass under a blue sky, and have a nice time. This is how it looks by nice weather:

Wonderful isn't it? It was supposed to be, but instead, arriving on top, we found ourselves stuck in the fog, and it looked quite depressing. Moreover, everything was wet, and instead of the great romantic promenade I had planned, it was more like a fight to make a step in the mud without slipping. Great... So, no lying down in the grass. After a long walk in the forest, wich, with the fog, looked totally like one of a horror movie, I finally found a more a less dry bench, with the view on... nothing. Well, I asked if he wanted to sit for a moment (I didn't really need to sit, I just wanted to have a quiet place to kiss and talk, and was hoping he would understand) and he said "Are you tired? I don't really want to sit here, there is nothing to see" I insisted that we would sit, and we started to talk. He was looking at some ants on the ground, and I was wondering how he could think of anything else than looking at me and kiss me. He was going on speaking, and I came closer, put my arm around his shoulder, and he was still looking at the ants and speaking. I started to rub is back, very smoothly, and then caress his neck hair. Nothing more. I started to kiss him on the neck, and expected him to turn his head and kiss me. No reaction. I got so confused... how could he be so unreactive after the weekend we had had? He just put his head on my shoulder for a minute, and then four peoples on bikes arrived out of nowhere, and he woke up and proposed to go to look at the village down the path. I was so frustrated and confused...

We went down to the village, this event really killed my enthusiasm. We spoke of insignificant things like how nice was this chalet or that, and I really felt bad, a mix of disappointement, frustration, and other mixed feelings. We took the train down to Montreux, and when we arrived at the station, I asked if we could meet again at my place this week, and he said "yeah, we'll see, I have a lot to do this week you know" and this totally killed me. I went home, so confused, and didn't know what to do. I didn't do anything, and this morning just wrote a nice text, and got no answer. So, this drove me mad the whole day. I was also going to see Stan, who came back from Brazil, and is going for one year in the UK, so this was my last chance to see him before long, and he called to say he had no time. You can imagine in what state I began my evening... Luckily, a good friend called, and we went to have a drink in a bar, and now I feel a little bit better, but I'm still wondering what happened with Lucas, and hope that it is only a misunderstanding or something... :/

When I can't control my feelings, it really drives me totally mad...