When I was 19, I was sent to the army. I asked to be in the air force, wich was accepted, but only as a helicopter engineer assistant, not as a pilot as I wanted. Anyway, I was so happy to have this possibility. The military service is mandatory, so if you can do something you're interested in, it's always a good point! I met a lot of other guys there, and became really good friend with some of them. I had a great time, though it was some really hard moments sometimes. I also met a special friend there, let's call him S. He was also passionate about flying, and I took him for a few flights during our days off. We became really good friends. But the more the time went by, the more I began to feel a really strong attraction to him. He's really cute, physically, he is the kind of guys I love, really athletic but slender. wonderful abs, pecs and bum... taking showers with him became more and more awkward as I had not to look at him or I would have had a hard on. It was not only physical attraction though.
It's so difficult to deal with this kind of feelings, when you have a crush on somebody, and you know he would never reciprocate (he's straight, hoplessly...). It was a hard time for me after the army, because I wanted to see him all the time, and he had other things to do, other friends to see. To see him only once in a while whereas we had been together 24/24 was really hard. Once, he came at home with some friends of mine, and spend the night here. He was sleeping on a matress just beside me in my room, and I couldn't sleep because I was looking at him. I saw he was having a horny dream because he had a hard on, and I had to resist so hard the tentation of touching him. He was there lying beside me, only in boxer, it was so hot, but I couldn't do anything... I had to have a wank though ;)
I am still seeing him once in a while, and we are still really good friends. He trusts me and tells me very personnal things about his life. He always questions me about the girls, who I fancy, etc, and I'd like him to know that I'm gay but I'm not sure he would be ok about it. He recently told me his father had told him he was gay and had been living with a man for some month, He was really shocked and he's not at all ok with it. I can easily understand it, especially because it's his father, but I don't want to come out to him now, it would be a bit too much I think!
It a shame he's straight! It's always like that, when you meet someone you fancy, isn't it?
3 comments:
my best friend A is in the same situation. he's uncomfortable about "gay" because his father left his mom for a man. i think the abandonment is what really hurts A. i asked him once, and he agreed...he said that was really the only reason he didn't like "gay".
still, i will not ever tell A. i think some people maybe it is too much. just let them live in the bliss of ignorance. esp if they're more distant friends.
oh dang...i've that before. over at a friends house, couldn't sleep...yeah, that's def a good solution you had there. why don't i ever think of that!? lol.
He feels really uncomfortable about his father for two reasons I think, first he takes that as a kind of supreme betrayal against his mother, and secondly because a father is supposed to be a model for his son, and that his father is not the model he wants him to be. He might also be a bit scared about "becoming" gay... I don't know.
Anyway, he's very sensitive and family problems really hurt him. He's my best friend, so I'd like to say him that gay, but I don't want to disturb his feelings as it must already be hard to deal with his situation concerning his father.
Wanking is always the best solution if you want to avoid doing stupid things, when I'm horny I do not control myself anymore :P
When I was 19, I invited my best friend to go along on a road trip with me. We spent a night in a friend's spare room on a big mattress on the floor. I was not able to avoid temptation. In the middle of the night, I reached over and gently placed my hand on his mound of flaccid sexual flesh. It was incredible: that combination of softness and firmness of a healthy-sized organ and the eggs in their sac beneath it. His deep-sleep breathing stopped, so I withdrew my hand as gently as I'd placed it. Later, as I lay awake again, I reached over a second time and this time he was as erect as he could be. This time, he rolled over on his side. It wasn't until two years later that I found out that he was well aware of what I'd done that night. He was straight but still remained my friend (long distance) and even shared a bed with me again when I visited him -- though he wore heavy gym trunks to bed!
Maybe I shouldn't have told that story. I don't know. But I'm glad you've started a blog and I hope you'll continue writing.
As for your friend, maybe the timing for coming out to him isn't right. You'll know when it is. But promise me you won't do anything to purposely deceive him into thinking you're straight. At some point, if he trusts you as a friend and learns that you are gay, it may help him to understand his father better and ask questions about being gay that he could never feel comfortable asking his father.
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